Dear McSweeney's,

Please have someone write something that completely sums up my love of baseball?

What? I'm sorry? You have?

Well then... Thanks.

Opening Day Genesis
by Glenn Birkemeier

In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void. God separated the dirt from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.

And God divided the players into two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, to play The Game on His field. God called some of these players Pitchers and some of them Hitters. He placed a Pitcher precisely 60 feet, 6 inches from a Hitter. Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the ol' Ballgame.

( Read more... )

I forgot to post that I finally did get a response from McSweeney's about my Open Letter to Brad Pitt submission.

Jessica:

This was tempting, but in the end we decided to pass on it. Thanks for giving us a chance to consider it for the site.

Ed Page
Assistant Website Editor

sigh.

Oh well... it wasn't my best material.