I feel the need for statistics and so I present...

Vacation By Numbers

Total number of days off (including weekends): 9

Number of debit cards lost and then found: 1

Number of illegal bottle rockets lit: probably 50

Number of illegal bottle rockets lit by me personally that taught me the reason why bottle rockets are illegal: approximately 3

Number of burns on my hand from fireworks: 1

Number of trees pulled down with my bare hands: 1

Number of college courses I registered for: 2 (20th Century Pre-1945 Art and Earth Space Science... a geology class I need to finish up my natural science general education requirement)

Number of pints of Bread and Butter pickles canned: 7

Pounds of onions thinly sliced for aforementioned pickles: 2 (that's 6 onions)

Number of days it took to get the onion smell and yellow turmeric stains off of my hands: about 3

Amount of time spent standing in shame at Walmart while two employees cleaned up the bottle of red nail polish I accidentally broke: 3 agonizingly slow minutes

Number of books read: 3

Number of naps taken: a lot

Number of Woodchuck Ciders drunk: too numerous to count

Number of times I wished I was at work: ZERO

I just turned in my leave request form for the week of the 4th of July! V. V. EXCITING!

9 straight days off to do whatever I fucking well please.